I woke up this morning with a new gut-level understanding. For a moment I could see all my beliefs formed a very large structure. There were no walls, only naked girders linked together in an organized way. The vision came with a realization that everything I've taken on as a habit or belief, dysfunctional or not, was to feel good. From childhood on -- in interactions with parents, siblings, schools, friends, jobs and society -- I made choices of how to think: to fit in or not, to stand up for my truth or not, to believe what I was told or not -- and my intention was to feel good in some way.
Many of those same beliefs provide the conflict that I've been working through as I've explored deliberate creating. They have been the blocks to my new desires.
I don't remember the question I was thinking about when I was waking up, but that vision was an answer to it. There is compassion for me in that answer -- I did my best at the time.
I do have a different perspective now. I have felt a new energy being born in me since an experience I had sensing the life energy of my being -- gosh, only three weeks ago.
The pieces of the puzzle have been coming into place and this morning when I had that experience I also knew I didn't have to do anything with that structure. I don't have to figure out how my beliefs are connected. I don't have to detach them and mull over them and fine-tune them into better configurations. I let them go and the Universe will take care of them for me. All I have to do is listen to my feelings and make a choice to feel better in every moment. I like the feeling of freedom -- my awareness that I don't have to spend any time or effort sorting through the past.
The new perspective
I would say my new perspective is more of a hands-on, in-the-moment sensation of deliberately creating. It's less and less about things in the world and more and more about what I'm feeling. I'm beginning to connect what I'm deliberately choosing to think and feel and what I am receiving. I'm definitely having more fun with it.
It started when I noticed that intentions I wrote went before me during the day and seemed to create in a magical way. For example: on a day when I wrote about intentions to have fun I later wrote the post Money throws a celebration for me. The idea of the post came to me suddenly and it almost wrote itself -- the picture seemed to leap out of Flickr at me. I just look at that post and all that fun floods through me.
I set them for my day and am amazed at the way they manifest. And I'm beginning to do them as I go about my day or start a new task. I just listen inside and intend until I feel complete. I'll do that right now and show you what I mean:
I am at peace with myself and every area of my life. I am filled with loving Energy that flows through me and into everything I do. I am creative. I am happy. I am successful. I look at life with eyes of love and life smiles back at me. All is well.
I set intentions before I go to sleep and wake up feeling better and better every morning. I say something like: When I sleep I merge joyfully with my Inner Being. My Inner Being flows warm liquid love through my body and every level of my being. The cells of my body and the processes of my body are bathed in this love and their every desire is answered. When I wake I feel refreshed, relaxed and at peace with myself and my world.
When I write them my energy is uplifted whether I write a large paragraph or a few lines. Somehow they feel very personal -- like I can read the words of the energy of "me."
When I write them for the day I follow with at least 10 things I appreciate and I feel even better after that. Then I think about what I want to do that day and begin where I want to begin.
There is feedback happening. The more I set intentions the better I feel and the more interesting experiences I have from them. And then I feel more eager to say them and see what new things I will experience and so on. I feel like a kid with a new toy.
And it just gets better. :)